The success of your courtship determines, to a large extent, the success of your marriage. A successful courtship is the substratum on which successful marriages are built. In the last edition, we began to explore the secrets of a successful courtship and we observed that your courtship can only succeed if you are in the “ship” with right partner. This was why we discussed the five (5) tests you need to subject your leadings or dreams to when you begin to feel the tingle for someone. These tests include;
- THE TEST OF PERSONAL CONVICTION
- THE TEST OF TIME
- THE TEST OF SCRIPTURES
- THE TEST OF PURPOSE/VISION
- TEST OF CONFIRMATION
We also began a discussion on how to make and receive a marriage proposal because this is where it all began. I recommended, based on the Scriptures, that the man should make the proposal to the woman. The man is the leader and a leader communicates. So, he ought to cast the vision for the woman who now has the prerogative to either accept or reject the proposal. Adam was the one who spoke when Eve was brought to him.
We highlighted the need to
- Get an approval from God and spiritual authority around you.
- Establish a platonic friendship with the prospective partner (not dating).
- Wait for the unction to speak.
- Wait for the appropriate time to speak, and
- Locate an environment conducive to making the proposal.
You need to get a copy of the last edition if you do not have so you can have an access to the details.
In this edition, the first thing I will like to address is the fact that the world system has overblown the issue of making marriage proposals. There was a case of a corps member who decided to propose to a fellow corps member on the day of their Passing-out Parade. He travelled all the way from Lagos to Anambra State to make the proposal. As soon as the Passing-out Parade was concluded, he knelt down with one knee in the public and brought out a ring then proposed to the lady. And the thing was on the news in Nigeria. So many varieties and complications have been introduced to the issue of marriage which does not determine the success of a relationship.
You shouldn’t propose with a ring. A ring is a seal and no one seals a proposal. It may be rejected. Anyone proposing with a ring is a Jacob. The first day Jacob saw Rachel, he kissed her, sealing her love for her and then he began to weep. He was obsessed with Rachel’s beauty. When you are under serious infatuation, you can cry because it is deeply emotional. So, making proposals with flowers or rings are simply Jacob strategies. They are Western cultures which are not scripturally validated. There are no hard and fast rule about making proposals, however there should be no inducement whatsoever either through a flower or ring. A lady should be given the opportunity to think and make her decision without bribing her.
HOW TO MAKE A PROPOSAL
There are no stereotyped patterns of making a marriage proposal. This is why you need unction to make a proposal. You can plan what you want to say but it can also be spontaneous. It doesn’t have to be premeditated. The most important thing is to make your intention known to the lady that you want her to join you in the marital journey. Tell her about your convictions and feelings without any ambiguity. The day of proposal is not the day to commend her beauty or the way she dresses, speaks or walks.
I am a University Lecturer and as an academic, the first thing I do before conducting a research is to write a very good proposal. It is a document containing the details of the research concepts, hypothesis, aims, objectives, methods or study design and the proposed budgets. You do not start a project without such a well-outlined proposal. In the same way, every man intending to marry a woman ought to have this kind of proposal. You should have done your home work of what is the vision for your home and what methodology you will employ to achieve this vision. What role will the woman play in your life? This does not imply that you deliver a physical document. What it means is that you are coming with a sense of responsibility. As a matter of fact, every academic proposal has what we call abstract or the executive summary which summarizes the whole proposal in few words. What you do on the day of your proposal is deliver the executive summary in words. Some ladies are very inquisitive. You may need to speak to your proposal if she asks you questions.. In other words, a man must not go and make marriage proposal to a lady if he doesn’t understand where he is going in life. You must have at least a 20-year plan of what you intend to do in life. In short, a man must understand a step by step plan of God’s purpose for his life and the role a woman will play in fulfilling this purpose.
RECEIVING AND RESPONDING TO A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
When a lady receives a marriage proposal from a man, there are two possibilities;
- She may have had a simultaneous conviction from God about the brother before he comes. As a matter of fact, most ladies would have prayed, sought counsel and got approval from spiritual authorities around them before the brother arrives. In such a situation, the lady needs not delay her “Yes” thinking she might seem too cheap. It is hypocrisy to tell him you want to go and pray about it when you already prayed about it. Its best to simply tell him you have had the same convictions and let the relationship begin with immediate effect.
- The lady may not have any premonition or conviction before the brother comes. She may not even be expecting him when he came to deliver the proposal. In this case, there are also two possibilities;
- You may know right there and then that the fellow cannot be your husband. I need to warn ladies here. You should never embarrass a man who comes to propose to you simply because you won’t say yes. You ought to at least show some hospitality. A child of God should not give a fellow brother “nine inches nail” or “a javelin” simply because he came to propose to you. It is a proposal, it can be rejected. In the academics, you can reject a proposal that lacks merit. Even then, proposals are rejected ETHICALLY. You don’t reject a proposal in an abusive way. If you must reject a proposal, do it politely. Of course, the brother might keep mounting pressure on you after you have rejected his proposal but the truth is no one mounts pressure on you without your consent. You allowed the pressure.
- The man may be a potential suitor but you do not have a conviction from God about him. You should simply ask him to give you time to pray and think about it. Your reply should not be more than that. However, you may ask further question that will help you in your prayers and meditations. You may need to know his convictions about you before he came to you. Ask him sincere questions. Don’t set him off or make him look like a fool.
In any case, the brother deserves a feedback. Ensure that you give the brother a feedback either yes or no. And do it on time. Some sisters are cunning; she won’t give a yes or no because she is eyeing another brother whom she thinks is better than the brother who came to propose. So she would delay this other brother in case the preferred didn’t come so that she won’t loose on two sides. This is unbecoming for a daughter of God.
Your feedback should not take eternity while it may not be instantaneous. It shouldn’t be too early or too late. I will recommend a maximum of three months for someone you already know except the person is a complete stranger to you. In other words, the level of relationship between you and the person will determine the length of time that will be required. In all of these, however, God rules and overrules all our rules. This is why you need a vital relationship with God.
To be continued……
Written by Dr. Olumide Samuel Ajani +2348038087625